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my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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