its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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