i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
