I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
