wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
