Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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