Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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