BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
