i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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