I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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