I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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