The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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