I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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