Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No subtext here. People are naked.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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