She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
