Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
