so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
