I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
