Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize