put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
