wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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