I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
