Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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