Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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