i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
