You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
