I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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