whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
