I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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