I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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