Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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