I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
