The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
