Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
