it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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