The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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