How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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