you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
