Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
