I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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