Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
