I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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