you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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