I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
