you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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