i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
