The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
