nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
