I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
