I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
third nipple confirmed
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
