Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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