so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
