I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
