Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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