dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
