"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
