I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
