i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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