bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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