No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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