Dual....:-)
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
