The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize