I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
