I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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