Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
