I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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