he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
