i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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